


Cautionary Tale

by pennysparrow



Series: A crooked politician? Yeah but that ain't news no more [2]
Category: Hairspray - Shaiman/Wittman & Shaiman/O'Donnell & Meehan, Hamilton - Miranda, Les Misérables - All Media Types, Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crossover, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 13:55:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennysparrow/pseuds/pennysparrow
Summary: The "shit show" that I avoided writing in my Les Mis/Newsies crossovermedia, networking, and other things that you don't learn in a lecture.Really this is just a clash of boys being dumb.





	Cautionary Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to [WritingToKeepMySanity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingToKeepMySanity/pseuds/WritingToKeepMySanity) for reading part of this and finding it amusing.

David was endlessly grateful last night when he was sitting on Jack and Crutchie's couch watching the  _Peanuts_ Thanksgiving special and Crutchie mentioned that while he didn't mind going to Jacobi's, he thought that Davey would be the better choice and that he wouldn't mind taking Les to the museum. This saved the Jacobs boys from killing each other and gave the Newsies someone who would be fairly well versed in legalize for the big meeting today. After the decision was made he ended up texting his mom and spending the night on their couch.

The next morning the three boys trooped over to the Jacobs family's apartment; Davey so he could change, Crutchie so he could pick up Les, and Jack because the Jacobs loved him and they had to meet up with Sarah anyway. Once Les and Crutchie were out the door, promises of not letting Kath try and pay for Les's ticket because she does enough already and invites of snacks for later, it was soon time for Davey, Sarah, and Jack to follow. After gathering laptops and paperwork and contact information.

The trio headed to the Pulitzer mansion first -- though it was really just an overlarge brownstone they still called it a mansion because none of them had ever heard Katherine's father refer to it as anything but -- to pick up the group from the ABC. Enjolras, Eponine, and another girl that David didn't recognize but from the resemblance assumed was Eponine's sister were all waiting on the front steps. Enjolras must have noticed the strange looks they were all being given because instead of a greeting he said "Katherine's mom is really great but we felt awkward without her."

"The ego of Joseph Pulitzer can have that effect," Jack said sagely. That earned a few chuckles from the ABC and an eye roll from Sarah.

"You mentioned that the diner has wifi? If not I can still run in and grab my hotspot," Enjolras said, slipping his backpack onto his shoulders.

"There'll be wifi, no worries," Jack assured. "We've already talked with Mr. Jacobi and he's fine with us having the meeting there and skyping the Nicest Kids in Town in for it."

"Well, Tracy," Eponine corrected as they made their way towards the subway. "Inez and Seaweed got roped into cooking, Penny isn't allowed to participate in any 'political activism' while she's home on breaks, and Link got sent to bumblefuck to visit relatives for the holiday."

"Bumblefuck?" Davey repeated.

"It's a technical term," Eponine told him with a smirk.

Jack snorted and Davey tried and failed to keep from laughing. Sarah just looked the other girl over in admiration.

"I don't think we've met," she told Eponine, reaching out her hand to shake. David internally face palmed, his sister was never going to forgive him for forgetting to introduce her. Unlike he and Jack, she'd had a lab that needed monitoring and so never got to meet the ABC because she hadn't been able to visit Katherine. "I'm Sarah, David's sister and Jack's once in a dream."

Davey relaxed some, it seemed that whatever punishment Sarah was planning for him wouldn't include public embarrassment like she had decided for Jack. The ABC trio all laughed at the Parks and Rec reference while Jack turned the same shade of red as the scarf that Enjolras was sporting.

"Eponine," she shook Sarah's hand, "and this is  _my_  sister Azelma. Zelma, that's Jack and David."

After the two boys waved awkward acknowledgments all eyes turned to Enjolras. It took him a second to realize this though and so they were heading down into the subway by the time he replied, just a short "Enjolras."

By the time they were walking through the door of Jacobi's though any initial awkwardness had been thoroughly dispelled by listening to Eponine and Jack get into a heated debate over  _America's Next Top Model_. They were early but that was ok, Davey liked taking the home field advantage to get set up. Ordering stacks of waffles and pancakes, piles of eggs to share, and giving their waitress a fair warning on the flat-out ridiculous amount of coffee that was going to be consumed.

Davey had pulled up the different research that they'd pulled together on petitions and gun regulations over the past couple weeks. It was an impressive packet thanks to nearly every Newsie chipping in. Sarah, always one to prefer taking notes by hand, was setting up her notebook and own notes. She'd also slipped her phone out of her pocket and onto the table. Sitting between her and Jack he was able to watch as she navigated to her voice memos and opened the app.

"What're you doing?" he asked lowly, leaning in and ducking his head so that they made their own little bubble.

"Recording for posterity. None of this he said she said bull. I'm friends with Eliza, I hear the stories, I'm not having that," Sarah said.

David nodded. "From what I've heard he doesn't like having that either."

Sarah shrugged. "Never hurts to have your own." Davey wondered when she got so clever. And not just clever but conniving. He realized that maybe she'd always been like that, he was just now on the other side of it.

Enjolras was getting his laptop set up with the videochat for Tracy when the bell above the door jingled and David stiffened. Jack noticed and leaned over to whisper, "What, Spot Conlon got you a little jittery?"

Davey gave him a dry look.

Jack grinned before turning to Spot as he pulled out his chair. "Spot, these are our friends from the ABC in Washington, Enjolras, Eponine, and Azelma."

Spot gave them a curt nod. "So you're the ones that've been taking care of our Kath?" he asked gruffly, looking them over.

Eponine met his stare with one of her own. "Well if you're asking in the mob sense then I'm sorry to disappoint but the heiress has not been harmed," she replied before giving a quick and wicked smile.

Spot laughed, a genuine and startled sound. "I like you," he told Eponine.

Davey had come to appreciate the girl's occasional biting remarks in the short time he spent with her before. Now, with less people to distract from her, they flowed fast and freely and he couldn't help but be amused.

Enjolras had smirked, looking up from where he'd been furiously typing on his laptop. "If I have learned anything from being friends with Katherine it's that she is more than capable of taking care of herself."

"Damn straight," Spot said with a nod. There was a glint in Spot's eye that meant Enjolras had won his respect.

David recognized it from earning it himself, having yelled at Spot for not wanting to be involved with the Newsies, despite managing to become the vice president of the school's advocacy group for civic involvement as a freshman. They were trying to draw attention to bias being spread on campus at that time, the very first time they'd ever all worked together, and having the backing of Spot and his group would help lend legitimacy to their cause. He'd gotten so mad at Spot when he and Jack approached him with their proposal and Spot had refused that David had just lost it. As he chewed Spot out the other boy had started smiling and by the time Davey was done Spot was sticking his hand out to shake and saying how David's passion had swayed him.

Enjolras had successfully gotten a hold of Tracy and placed the laptop, showing her sitting in what looked like her bedroom, in the spot next to him. They were just about to go around and do introductions when the bell jingled again and their last, largest, and most likely to be volatile party came in. Sarah jumped up to give Eliza a quick hug, they had become friends through scholastic scrimmage in high school and now ran a successful Etsy shop. As Sarah sat back down, Eliza waved at David before taking the open seat next to Sarah.

Enjolras looked dumbfounded. "Lafayette?" he asked.

The boy in question grinned. "I'd hoped I'd get to see you!" And with that he began yammering away in French with Enjolras replying in kind. Only Alex seemed to be following the conversation.

"Any clue what they're saying?" Jack leaned over to ask.

"I know three languages, none of them are French," David told him.

Jack furrowed his brows. "English, Hebrew, what else?"

"Yiddish."

Sarah shot him a look. "Curses don't count."

"Zayteh's been teaching me since kindergarten. Just because I don't use it around you," David argued.

His sister scoffed. "You mean just because you don't use it at all."

"We  _just_  went to that production of  _Fiddler on the Roof_." David was getting exasperated with her, Jack just seemed endlessly amused.

"Yeah, cause Mama and Dad made us," she shot back.

"Well I understood it, did you?" Davey thought this was the final blow. He hoped this was the final blow because everyone was starting to look at them now that they'd settled around the table.

"I've  _seen_  it before, why would I need to?"

"Exactly," David said smugly. He knew that Sarah could understand the language and, yes, knew all the good curses but he could actually speak it. Sarah rolled her eyes and with that Davey had officially won.

"So..." Jack drawls, looking around. "You two want to explain-" he gestured between Enjolras and Lafayette, "that."

"It's a long story but we have some mutual friends," Enjolras said with a small smile.

" _That's_  how you're going to sum it up?" Alex asked incredulously. David suddenly realized the wisdom in Kath's choice, this was going to be a long brunch.

So, David decides to bite the bullet and just take charge for the time being, someone has to. "Introductions?" he makes it a question, gives a smile, tries his best to be friendly and not seen as another opponent to wrap up in a verbal duel. "I'm David Jacobs, I'm with the Newsies of New York."

"Jack Kelly, also a Newsie."

"Spot Conlon and I'm the king of Brooklyn." David rolled his eyes as there were a couple laughs. "And a Newsie," Spot added quickly.

Tracy waved from the laptop. "Hi! I'm Tracy Turnblad, with the Nicest Kids in Town out of Baltimore!"

"Alec Enjolras though I just go by Enjolras and I'm from the ABC in Washington D.C."

"Eponine Thenardier, also the ABC."

"Azelma Thenardier, ABC."

"I'm Lafayette, Mark Lafayette but you can just call me Laf for simplicity's sake. I'm a member of the Children of Liberty."

David had to bite his lip, Kath's joke of "Liberty's Kids" from the night before coming to mind.

"Aaron Burr, Children of Liberty."

"Alexander Hamilton, or Alex, or Hamilton, or whatever I really answer to anything. Children of Liberty."

"Angelica Schuyler and we're all smart enough to infer."

"Eliza Schuyler," she gave a teasing glance to her sister before continuing, "Children of Liberty."

"Well I guess I'm last," Sarah joked and under the table David poked her in the thigh. "Sarah Jacobs, this is turning out to be quite the family affair, Newsie."

A laugh went up around the table, but the air still felt tense. It reminded David of the nature documentary he’d watched with Finch and Albert the other night: the two wolves circling each other and waiting to see who would make the first move. That was Enjolras and Alex as they studied one another. Davey caught Eponine’s eye as she frowned at her friend. The blonde seemed oblivious to her which is why she met his gaze.

Eponine twisted her mouth and David could almost see the moment when she made her decision. Opening her mouth and cutting off any further posturing. At least for the time being. “Well, now what?” Eponine’s tone could be considered sarcastic but David was inclined to think of it more as acidic. Which was reasonable considering her obvious annoyance with Enjolras.

“Well,” Jack jumped in, “we’ve gotten a strong start on the petition process. Bit of a pat on the back for my kids on that one. They went hard on pulling all that together, gotta admit.”

Alex shot Jack a look and made like he was about to say something, but Eliza spoke up before he could. “Yes, thank you on that. That was a lot of work and you got that done quite fast.”

“Although it did require some tweaking,” Alex added quickly.

David saw Jack’s brows start to pull together, his expression showing that he was clearly gearing up for a fight. Davey nudged his best friend sharple in the ribs with his elbow. It distracted Jack just enough to keep him from saying anything. Unfortunately, it allowed time for Enjolras to.

“This is a collaboration, is it not?” he questioned. He looked confused, though it was clearly an act. Which became obvious as Enjolras dropped the air and David wished he would’ve just let Jack argue instead. From his impression of the other boy and all that Katherine said about Enjolras, David knew that whatever happened next was not to be good. “Because in a true collaboration everyone gets to have an input and while one might do a majority of the labor it is the responsibility of the others to assist in its completion and do their fair share on other tasks.”

“Except the whole point in delegating a task is so that only one party need worry about its completion. To go back over the work with a fine-toothed comb is redundant and negates the whole purpose of delegation in the first place,” Alex countered swiftly.

“Well I’m sorry that we don’t have the same head for legal jargon that you do. We’ve got the manpower though and the research and writing down pretty damn good. Ya said you’d double check it and now you’re bitching about it?” Jack scoffed. His accent was starting to strengthen, a clear indication of his building anger. And if David hadn’t known that Jack’s slip in proper grammar and mild cursing were more than enough to tell everyone exactly how he felt.

“And since so many of you had intentions of going to law school you offered to double check everything,” Enjolras pointed out. His eyebrows twitched up. What began as an argument – and still might escalate into a shouting match – seemed to have just turned into a chess match. Enjolras’s expression seemed to say ‘your move.’

It felt as though the whole diner was holding its breath. Beyond their table the waitresses hustled about, the bell above the door jangled, and the cooks could be heard laughing in the kitchen. Those surrounding the formica in front of David couldn’t be more removed from all of that though, as everything narrowed to the two college kids once again staring one another down. Enjolras’s mouth was starting to pull up into a self-satisfied smirk as Alex’s narrowed into a tight line. David could feel his heart begin to beat faster, almost terrified of what these two might be cable of.

“If you recall,” Alex practically snarled, “I never said that what they did was bad, merely required a few tweaks which as you so helpfully pointed out _Enjolras_ was exactly what Aaron and I volunteered to do.”

“I am not getting pulled into this,” Aaron muttered darkly with a glare aimed at Alex.

“Well _Hamilton_ ,” Enjolras snarled, “your tone seemed to indicate a complaint with having to do so.”

“Which ya really shouldn’t’ve had to do much,” Jack added. “My kids are good. The best. Tell ‘em Davey.”

David whirled on Jack, caught wildly off guard at having been asked to corroborate. “Uh, yeah,” he said on reflex. Jack nodded with finality.

“It seems to me that this is all just a miscommunication,” Lafayette tried.

“Yeah, I mean they’re good! We’re already starting to get signatures!” Tracy piped up from the laptop. If David were being honest, he’d forgotten about her what with the drama that was going on around him.

“If everyone could all just put their metaphorical dicks away that’d be great,” Angelica muttered. Or at least that’s what David thought she said. She was rolling her eyes when he glanced at her and Sarah and Eponine were both biting back smiles so he figured that he’d heard right.

Spot was oddly quiet and when David looked over at him, he had a bit of a frown, merely watching things play out with his arms crossed. Spot wasn’t the only one to be staying out of it, Eliza was observing with growing annoyance and Azelma seemed too shocked by it all to get involved. David knew his sister was just waiting for an explosion, and wisely not trying to get caught in the fallout and suspected that Eponine was doing the same.

David must have thought too soon because tempers seemed to have reached a boiling point and Alex snapped.

“I have no problem with lending my skills, especially as we can all agree that it is wisest to allow those to tackle the items in which their talents are of the most use. What I do have a problem with is being used as nothing more than a second-rate copyeditor as you two go off making decisions without consulting us.”

“We have done no such thing!” Enjolras was scandalized and outraged.

“Oh really? _You_ decided that we would be creating a petition. _You_ decided that we should organize a march on Washington. _You_ went ahead and started creating posters and pamphlets.” Alex was furious, actually leaping to his feet during his speech.

“Alex,” Aaron tried to caution, tugging at Alex’s hoodie sleeve and reminding David starkly of himself and Jack for a moment.

“Prior to your involvement!” Enjolras jumped out of his own chair and was nearly spitting across the table. “ _We_ have been spearheading this campaign and working with the Newsies for weeks before we reached out to see if you would like to be involved. And in case you have forgotten, _we_ are based in Washington. A march on the Capitol is our bread and butter and a surefire way to get the press coverage that we want. It’s a logical choice.”

“ _You_ are the _only_ ones based there. The Newsies are also based out of New York, wouldn’t it be _more_ logical to have the march here? You’d get just as much press coverage!” Alex threw his arms out as his volume increased.

“Alex!” Aaron was almost scolding him now.

“Not now Burr!” Alex whirled on his companion and that’s what did it.

“Now I see the problem!” Enjolras laughed. Honest to goodness laughed. And that’s when Davey knew they were all going to die. Realistically he’d been aware that death by ego was a very real possibility with his friends, he’d just always assumed it would be Jack or Kath’s ego. Which reminded him that Jack had gotten uncharacteristically quiet and he glanced over at his friend, who seemed to be watching the unfolding argument in horror which was definitely a bad sign.

Enjolras had continued, a cruel expression twisting his pretty face. “You’re so wrapped up in your own self importance that you can’t see the greater good. You’re incapable of putting your own ego aside to get the job done. To the point that you’re even snapping at your friends!”

“That’s rich,” Eponine mumbled darkly but David seemed to be the only one to hear her. He was inclined to agree with her though as Angelica put it, this metaphorical dick measuring had turned dangerous.

“How dare you!” Alex screeched and then he was lunging at Enjolras. Enjolras was lifting his chin with a fire blazing in his blue eyes, his arm pulling back to meet Alex’s lunge with a fist. Before they could come to actual blows though Spot grabbed Enjolras around the middle and started bodily hauling him back while Lafayette did the same to Alex.

“Enough!” Angelica cried, slamming her hand on the table.

“This is ridiculous!” Eliza cried in exasperation.

Angelica nodded. “If you’re going to be a bunch of assholes to each other this is never going to work. You’re both good at what you do but it’s more than obvious that you’re too similar to work together. I’m committed to this if you are but in order to pull this off cooler heads must prevail.”

“Agreed,” Sarah glared briefly at Jack who scowled back. “I propose that we each have a single liaison, maybe two, to coordinate across the four groups. And Enjolras, Alex, and Jack – don’t give me that look you’re just as bad – you’re ineligible. I’m happy to be the Newsies representative.”

“Yes, I can be ours,” Eliza nodded and looked to her sister and they boys who came with her in challenge. No one said anything.

Sarah turned to where Eponine and Azelma still sat at the table. “Combeferre. He’s the most level-headed of us all.”

“Seaweed has been taking point on this and can continue,” Tracy said.

Sarah nodded. “If we decide that the task would be easier with more, we can each add a representative. In the meantime, we best leave before Mr. Jacobi kicks us out as he’s headed this way.”

They all scrambled into coats and packing up laptops and notebooks. David briefly mourned the loss of his ordered but uneaten pancakes as he dropped some bills onto the table. He hurried out the diner behind his sister, Jack behind him and tense goodbyes were made on the sidewalk before they split; the ABC and Newsies going one direction and the rest going the other.

Sarah pulled her phone out and hit the stop button on her recording. “Not really sure what good this is gonna be,” she said just loud enough so that only David could hear as they headed toward the subway station that would take them home.

“Cautionary tale?” He hazarded.


End file.
